”And that was it for the duration of the meal. Afterwards, as we sat and listened to a recording of ‘Orfeo and Euridice’, I couldn’t help but...let my gaze wander over her naked body; still much more of her than was ideal, but nonetheless, having begun to know her, I was beginning to see her as an attractive woman. Unfortunately, I was also aware of the twenty-year age gap.I didn’t realise at the time, but she was very aware of my regard. Much later, she told me that my assessing gaze built her. Evenings when Alan was not with her, he was often at home. His staying there all evening was then assured by the need to look after the child if Sandra was out, so he probably wouldn't walk in on them.Sandra had other mothers nearby who were friends, so that if Alan was out at some event or other, she would arrange a minder and try to visit Martha.Alan lied a lot to both of them about his outside activities, and claimed to have nights out with the boys, which he sometimes left early and turned. I liked that name. When she was delivered the doctor grabbed her and rushed her into an incubator. He looked at me and said she only had about a thirty percent chance of making it. I looked at her and sat down and bawled. The tears wouldn’t stop. I knew that Ellie was a druggy but so was I and look what we did to our baby.’ ‘I decided right then and there that I wouldn’t take another drug or smoke weed. I was going to stop cold turkey. I wasn’t a religious person but I walked into the hospital. Wo ab sab ko ghar dikhane ke liye bol rahi thi. Lekin luckily meri Maa aur bhai ne kaha thodi der bad dekhate hai. Kyunki wo dono lambe safar se thake hue the. Waise mai bhi thak gaya tha lekin Kusum ko dekhne ke baad toh sab thakan ek pal me gayab ho gayi thi.Kusum aur mai hi uske Row House ke First floor par gaye. Mere toh jaise mann me laddoo phoot rahe the. Hum seedi se upar ki aur ja rahe the. Kusum mere aage thi aur uski gand mere munh ke bilkul samne se uchal rahi thi. Mann kar raha tha.
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